….and by playground, I mean it in the Lila (pronounced leela) kind of way. Lila is a Sanskrit word meaning, “Divine play.”

Crossfit calls all of the things I believe, fear, love, desire and detest out into the open. It is Lila in that it is the stage where in every moment, you have the ability to see the Divine, and learn the lessons that make life so big and beautiful. It is also the same stage where you get to witness, step into, and experience your own momentary Hell.

Today is one of my coach’s (Big Jay) birthday.  We are all different and unique (like snowflakes-sorry, I couldn’t resist) , but sometimes you meet someone who has CHOSEN to be different, and steps into that role with purpose and without apologies. Big Jay is one of those people for Alex and I (and probably most people who know him).  When I first met Jay, I told Alex that I think of him as a modern day prophet, and I feel even more that way now than I did last year when we met. Aside from literally being larger than life (6’5″ and in the kind of shape that conjures up the idea of a superhero-except he’s not wearing a plastic chest costume), he has the ability to connect to people, no matter whether they are a weight lifter, professional athlete, house wife, mother, yoga student, adult or child, in exactly the way they need in order to see their own strengths, and also recognize, face, and overcome (if they are willing) the obstacles that keep them living small.

He pushes himself to meet and exceed his edge not only physically, but mentally in everything he does, and he challenges everyone around him to do the same. He gives speeches about gratitude, about how these workouts aren’t about exercise, they are about getting better at life, and I swear he gave a speech once about loving those who persecute you (he didn’t use those words exactly, but it did conjure up both the verse in the Bible where Jesus says that, as well as Patanjali’s Yoga Sutra where he talks about right action and friendliness toward the wicked). What I am trying to say here, is that I really feel that Jay and Kristy are gathering, and helping to create a community of people who are going out in the world with a healthier approach to their families, their jobs, and life in general.

Since I have been practicing Crossfit, it has given me the opportunity to look at my yoga practice, sometimes even more than my asana practice does. When he is pushing me in a WOD, Jay doesn’t yell things like, “go harder, push more, work through the pain, pick up the bar, pansy….” or whatever you would imagine a coach would do with a light weight like me. He shouts things like, “This is your yoga, Christy,”  ”This is what you practice for,”  ”Stay with your breath,” “Don’t let your fears beat you.”

So, today was Jay’s birthday WOD, which meant rope climbs. You may have read the post on my last encounter with rope climbs.  All I am going to say, is that I have some irrational fear that comes up when I climb a rope. When I think about rope climbs, nothing happens. When I look at the rope hanging 20 feet in the air, it actually doesn’t look so high. When I start climbing, I’m cool, but then I get down, and feel like I am going to throw up. I also shake. A lot.

Just like last time, I was determined to keep moving as long as I felt strong enough, but at one point Jay came over (I’m pretty sure Alex mentioned that I was quivering and dry heaving), and got right in my tensed up face. He told me that I needed to change my relationship to the rope, that I needed to fall in love with it. He said a few other things that totally changed my cracked out vibe, but honestly I can’t remember what they were. I do, however,  remember that several times, he reminded me to breathe. For a moment, my yoga teacher ego got her back up, and I remember thinking, “I AM breathing, ” but, when I actually started breathing while climbing, it was a strangely unfamiliar (and very calming) feeling. Humility continues to be called into duty as my life companion.

This year, I am celebrating my 13th year of yoga practice. In that time, I have been blessed to study with many teachers, both asana and philosophy teachers. One of the most valuable things that I have taken from this practice over time is that whatever is in front of you is your Dharma, is your path.  You may not like it, you may think it should be different, you might prefer to modify because you are afraid to look silly or to fail, it might scare the breath out of you; what you do with it is your choice, but it is still your path. Anais Nin wrote, “Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.”  Today I am celebrating the birthday of my Crossfit coach and yoga teacher, Jason Schroeder. Thank you for choosing to live in a way that is a testimony to just how big life can be, and for teaching me how to breathe as I learn to fall in love with the rope.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

—-from A Return to Love, by Marianne Williamson.

How many times have you read that quote somewhere? Every single time I read that, I feel the same thing: humbled, pinned down, and curious that I could have forgotten something so profound. It’s wild to be reminded that all of the brightness that you see in those around you is also within yourself!

Today is my (in all ways besides actually being married yet) mother-in-law’s birthday. This quote is for her, and for all of you who are able to celebrate today, another opportunity to let your light shine brightly.

Today, I am having an unpack day. I quickly returned to a busy teaching schedule after my trip to Florida, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. This weekend, the trainees in the 200 hour Yogacarya Teacher Training program, completed their midterms, which I had the honor to sit in on and grade. There is something so magical about exploring and discovering new facets of oneself, and YTT(yoga teacher training) is a giant laboratory for this. You all did such an amazing job, and I am celebrating each one of you today!

In addition to going over my YTT notes, I am unpacking my suitcase. Unpacking is not the fun part of vacation(at least for me), and I already miss my brother and my friends from Colorado who I met up with in Orlando. Vacation is kind of an unpacking in itself. On my third day, I noticed something about myself, which was that I was relaxed. You may think that being a yoga teacher and massage therapist, my life is filled with and centered around relaxing things, and you would mostly be correct, but many of you know that my family has been going through a rough transition over the past 1  1/2 years, and family discord literally gets into my cells regardless of my practice. When going through a stressful situation, especially a chronic one, little things build up over time.

Vacation gave my cells the space to unpack some of the tension they had been holding, and I found myself feeling freer than I’ve felt in a long time. Do you know the Parasympathetic/Sympathetic Nervous System stuff that I am forever talking about in my classes? Well, I’ve found that  my creativity is extremely limited when I am in that fight or flight/defend and protect mode(Sympathetic NS). My vocabulary is reduced, and my interest in writing, and all of the creative things that I usually enjoy is diminished. This is just one symptom of tension and stress in life. Others are: reduced immune system function, painful menstrual cycles (sorry, boys), and overall lackluster behavior. “This little light of mine,” definitely doesn’t shine in this situation. The funny thing about this is that after awhile I tend not to remember the way it was. I just keep going, from this little “hide it under a bushel,”  kind of place.

One thing that I noticed about my brother was that he said, “I’m just not going to worry about it,” a lot. His phone broke the day before he was to pick me up from the airport. His new phone was supposed to arrive the next day, and it didn’t. He kind of needs his phone for work, but he couldn’t do anything about it, decided not to worry about it, and he really didn’t. It struck me that I worry a lot. Worrying involves coming back to a concern over and over again, and usually includes a furrowed brow and tight stomach. Another thing that I noticed about my brother is how much he smiles. Before he moved to Florida, our family fell apart, and I remember how much I loved anyone who could make my brother smile, because it just stopped happening(which was totally appropriate at the time).  My brother smiling is truly one of my favorite things in the world.

While in my vacation mode brain, I smiled more too. Now that I am back, my practice is to unpack my tension and worry in everyday life. My sunny, beachy vacation Nervous System is here somewhere, and if I can let go of all that I can’t control anyway, I will have more to offer my students, my family, Alex, and myself.

Here is a little photo taken while I was visiting my brother. I know that in posting this, I am advertising for some bar/photo service thing, but whatever….I’m just not going to worry about it.

In last Thursday’s Level 2 Class at Highland Yoga, we were practicing Sirsasana 2(tripod headstand) and playing with some fun transitions from Bakasana(crow), Parsva Bakasana(Side Crow), and other arm balance variations. I had mentioned this amazing Yoga Breakdance video that I had seen, and here it is!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E6XiVNoCrn0

I am heading to Florida early Sunday morning, and will be back the following Friday. The little girl that I used to nanny for when I lived in Boulder won tickets in an auction to Disney World, and she invited me to come along! How could I possibly resist?!

I’ve been working on a few blog posts, and will have them up when I return.  Look forward to seeing you either at one of my Thursday or Saturday classes or when I return!

I am not an Anusara teacher, but I love a lot of people who are. Over the past few months, several of the most well known, and longest certified Anusara teachers have given up their certifications. Each of their resignation letters was written with utmost respect and, dare I say, grace. I don’t really like gossiping, but as the word is out, and the founder of Anusara, John Friend, has acknowledged and admitted that many of the allegations against him are true, I feel free to write about it here, because the yoga community is one community. (If you have somehow missed this, I recommend reading www.elephantjournal.com for interviews, information, and resignation letters with full permission from the teachers.)

Some of us say,”external rotation,” and some say, ” inner spiral,”  some say, “pelvic loop,”  and some say, “draw your belly button in and up,” or, “take your tailbone down.”  You say tomato, I saw tomahto, but please, let’s not call the whole thing off. Even though I teach an alignment based Vinyasa, and not Anusara, I can see how much the teachers of the Anusara style have offered to the yoga community. Where many people knew nothing about alignment, it has now become something even straight up Vinyasa teachers include in their instructions. Yoga has begun to emphasize therapeutics, and much of that is influenced by the Anusara method. This style of yoga has encouraged deeper philosophical study, and a greater recognition and connection to the Divine. It also emphasizes the importance of community, and the uncovering of all that is the beautiful and radiant in the human spirit. Yes, there was definitely some concerns about the kula , but now isn’t a great time for, “I knew it,” or “I told you so.”  It’s just doesn’t really promote the unity which the very word, “yoga” means at it’s core.

In the famous love passages in the Bible, it says, “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” Even if the Bible isn’t your thing, there is a lot of timeless and universal wisdom in there. You could even substitute the word,  ”love” with “yoga,” because at their core, the yogic teachings say the same things. The part that made me think of it at all, is that true Love doesn’t boast, isn’t proud, and does not celebrate the downfalls of others, because it is not self-seeking. Humbling reflections, huh?

When I was watching the Grammy’s last weekend (this is the first year in my life we’ve actually had a TV in our own home, and I watched it from beginning to end, despite some of the more painful moments), I couldn’t help but to connect to Katy Perry’s song. You may wonder how Anusara yoga, the Bible, and Katy Perry have enough in common to be included in this  post, but bear with me. As she was dancing around in her silver and gold Wonder Woman looking costume (I have to admit to really liking Katy Perry) singing, “This is the part of me that you’re never gonna ever take away from me,” I couldn’t help think of Anusara teachers. I don’t know that any one of them is going to take this as compliment, but I hope so.

John Friend didn’t make anyone, “open to grace.” He didn’t connect people to the Divine, he has been the finger pointing to the moon. Our current situation is the result of people believing and treating him as if he was the moon, and his allowing himself to be seen in that light. Every teacher who has connected to the ageless teachings that human beings carry within their cells the light of the Divine, that we are brighter when we join forces and support each other, and that we truly can open and flow with grace, has not lost that connection. It was not given to them by another person, nor can it be taken away.

Many Anusara teachers have an identity, as all yoga teachers do, around being a part of something, and believing in certain things. Those beliefs are not lost, even now. Yes, some of it is ugly, and hurtful, but there is the part of us as humans, that cannot ever be taken away, regardless of what happens in the world. That part is inherent, it is beautiful, and it is the unique way that the light of the Divine shines through each one of our lives if we invite it to. So there it is: Anusara, The Bible, and Katy Perry…..Thank you, Katy.

John Friend has served as a sign post on the  journey for many people, in a wide range of ways. I once read a Zen saying that said, the final job of a teacher is to free the student of his teacher, and in that light(whether he intended it this way or not), John Friend has completed his job. He has helped to point many people in the direction of their highest path, and now they are free.

“Resting is the first part of Buddhist meditation. Our mind as well as our body needs to rest. The problem is that not many of us know how to allow our body and mind to rest. We are always struggling; struggling has become a kind of habit. We cannot resist being active, struggling all the time. It is very important to realize that we have the habit energy of struggling. We have to be able to recognize a habit when it manifest itself because if we know how to recognize our habit, it will lost its energy and will not be able to push us anymore.”  Thich Nhat Hanh

This really speaks to me this morning. In my past life(and I mean in past years of my current life, not in terms of reincarnation), I treasured rest, at least I thought I did. I moved to restful places, places where the pace was slower, places where people worked just enough to be able to pay rent in their simple homes and then surf, hike, or climb the rest of the time. They didn’t let their work get in the way of their lives, and I recognized and respected that. I grew up in New Jersey, which seemed(and even more so once I left it) extremely fast paced and not-so-friendly. I left as much as I could, driving cross country a few times, moving to Maui, to Boulder, traveling to Europe, escaping to Vermont, and then somehow(through an obvious act of God), I ended up in, not Boulder, not Maui, but New Jersey.

This morning, I was talking with my mom at the dining room table(because not only do I live in New Jersey, but I also live with my mom) about how busyness keeps us from realizing how restless and unhappy we are. It was the same kind of conversation I would have every day at Naropa(the Buddhist University I went to in Boulder) except it was with my mom(not a Buddhist) in New Jersey. For some reason, the very same conversation can have 2 totally different feelings depending on where you are and with whom you are speaking, and I found myself feeling argumentative(even though she was saying the very same things I nodded knowingly about when a Buddhist professor said them. Sorry, Mom). I am not really a Buddhist. I love Universal Truth wherever it shows up, and Buddhism provides a lot of incredible ways to live a mindful life.

The idea behind the Universal Truth of Busyness goes something like this: When we are busy we don’t have the space to consider that maybe we aren’t really happy or living our truth. In Buddhism extreme busyness is considered a type of laziness, on account of the whole avoidance aspect. While my mom was talking about this(in the context of my life), I would have loved to disagree, but as I’ve already established, I don’t, and I was at that very moment feeling very restless because I have a relatively empty day in front of me, and didn’t want to do the things I’d made time to do. I would rather be too busy. How exactly did struggling become a habit? Why is being too busy to accomplish the things that really matter so addictive?

I would LOVE to blame it on my surroundings(NJ has played a giant role as scapegoat in the past years), but I can’t. Just like in my last post, this Drama in my Dharma. This restlessness is revealing something to me ABOUT MYSELF, not about the fast pace of New Jersey, and I think that is exactly why I’ve ended up here again. New Jersey is my teacher, if I stop fighting him/her(?). Honestly, I live in the woods. I can’t even see another house or  hear the road from my house, and I don’t need to. The noise is coming from within.

This past week there was a bit of yoga drama. Did you catch any of it?

First , the NY Times published an article, “How Yoga Can Wreck Your Body,” http://www.nytimes.com/2012/01/08/magazine/how-yoga-can-wreck-your-body.html?_r=1&scp=1&sq=yoga%20injuries&st=cse  which prompted many discussions and received countless responses. A student told me that it was actually their most responded to article of all time.  Last week, there was a yoga commercial that Equinox produced with a woman practicing in her skivvies which also received a lot of criticism and commentary. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/kathryn-budig/yoga-briohny-kate-smyth_b_1202653.html

They both were a big reminder that even though we are yoga practitioners, we are still human beings. There is a tendency to want our way to be right, to be infallible, and to defend and protect that which we love and believe in. As human beings, we have giant hearts, and we can also have giant egos. Here is an excellent article written in response to the NY Times article. http://www.elephantjournal.com/2012/01/how-ego-can-wreck-your-yoga–sarah-ezrin/

So much has been written on how “Yoga” literally means to unite, how there are so many different styles and approaches to yoga that as practitioners we often hear a lot of segregation within our own community, and how here in the West we have taken an Eastern philosophy and practice and made it into an exercise that glorifies the human body, and misses the spiritual point. I don’t have much to add to those topics, but honestly, as human beings, what is the point? What is the point of anything that we do?  It becomes more and more obvious as we live our lives, that it is not what we are doing, but the meaning that we infuse our actions with that make our lives meaningful, and there is a lot of room for variation.

Human beings are made of dust and the breath of God, or skin, bones, muscles, and blood, or Nadis, Chakras, Meridians, or Sen lines. The beauty of the practice of yoga, or any mindfulness practice for that matter, is that it requires us to pause and spend time getting to know ourselves and our perspectives. To many, that is seen as narcissistic, and to many others it is therapy. In one of my yoga teacher trainings, a teacher said that, “Yoga is the counterpose to life,” and that has always stuck with me as a pretty good way to approach it.

Once we slow down, we may make some discoveries. We may find we feel jealous because someone else has invested time and energy in themselves when we struggle with doing that for ourselves, or that in putting something/someone else down, we are promoting ourselves and what we do as right or better. These are humbling un-coveries(yes, I just made up a word), but they have the great power of opening the doors to understanding and compassion toward ourselves and others.

Understanding someone else’s perspective, how they see the world, their practice, and infuse meaning into their actions can be hard to do. I once read a quote about how if you could see things from someone else’s perspective and know all they had been through, you would bow at their feet(I read it on a bus placard and can’t find the source).  The word, “dharma” means the path in front of us, or the universal law in which the behaviors or lessons we most need to learn in order to find balance and wholeness are placed in front of us. From that perspective, whatever your response to this past week in yoga drama, it has the power to reveal whatever it is you most need to work with in order to be on your Highest path.

“Do the things you used to talk about doing but never did. Know when to let go and when to hold on tight. Stop rushing. Don’t be intimidated to say it like it is. Stop apologizing all the time. Learn to say no, so your yes has some oomph. Spend time with the friends who lift you up, and cut loose the ones who bring you down. Stop giving your power away. Be more concerned with being interested than being interesting. Be old enough to appreciate your freedom, and young enough to enjoy it. Finally know who you are.”   Kristin Armstrong

The time between holidays feels different than a regular week. There is the tired feeling of all of the effort leading up to Christmas, and then the awareness of ending one year and beginning another. In the past week, I have read 2 different accounts of “dreams coming true.” One is from Mastin of TheDailyLove.com who was asked to be a blogger at Oprah.com, and the other was my dear friend Kristy Link who is now gracing the walls of Lululemon.

When my grandfather died several years ago, he had several months to prepare. He gathered us all together, told us the stories he thought were important to know about our own history as a family, all of the things he wanted us to know about his life, his wishes for us, and yes, his regrets. This was a privilege as many people do not have this opportunity, and I will never forget much of what he said. I recently read an article on the 10 things that people most regret at the end of their lives which reinforced many of the same things that my grandpa told us years ago. It sounds a bit morbid, but it was actually really inspiring, because it gave me the opportunity to see life in reverse. What kind of things will I wish I did more of or spent less time doing? These thoughts are especially poignant nearing the end of another year.

Are there things that you have been telling yourself you are going to make the time to do for years and haven’t yet had the courage/time/resources to do? Make it happen this year. Be resourceful and set yourself on the path. Make goals for each month, regardless of how small, and move closer to your dreams. The time is not later when you have it all together, because that time will never come. Take steps from here, right here, where you stand right now. Life is not getting any longer as far as I can see, and I’ve never heard of anyone regretting the time they spent doing the things they believed in. Bring meaning into your own life, and stay inspired, because you can, just ask Kristy or Mastin.

One of my favorite quotes which I have seen going around in a few places recently is by Howard Thurman.

“Don’t ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive and then go do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”

Let 2012 be the year where you leave all of the beliefs that you canNOT do whatever it is that makes you come alive behind, and step into a year of clear space to draft the life you want to live.